What I think about when Im running.

I smile when I run. There is just something about the rhythmic pounding of my feet hitting the path the wind through my hair... But I smile for the freedom, the escape from my thoughts, what a welcome relief to have a clear mind. Even when I think I cant run anymore, and the pungent green bile from deep in my stomach threatens to purge itself from my body, my legs feel like jelly and my lungs burn, I am grateful. Because when the world feels too big the isolation of pain in my body; my knees, my feet, my raggedy breath all connects me to the physical body, to myself. The shadow of another jogger at my shoulder spurs me to push myself that much harder. The beat of the music on my ipod reverberates through my body and I feel whole. I love pushing myself to keep going, like a mantra in time with my feet dont give up, dont give up, dont give up I just figure if Im going to give up on anyone, I should be giving up on everyone else before I give up on myself.
I love running outside. I love seeing the surprised look on peoples faces a I run by them grinning, and the reluctant, somewhat confused smile back. Because one of the lovely things about smiling is you cant help but smile when someone smiles at you. Its like yawning, it has this kind of follow on effect. I love the middle aged ladies in their pink tracksuits walking in little clusters, perfectly set dyed blonde hair, designer sunglasses hiding their eyes as they whisper conspiringly to each other about husbands, children and neighbors. I love the red faced puffing old men in their shorts and pulled up socks, hating every minute of their daily run, silently cursing the doctor who on discovering a weakening body coerced them into an exercise program. And I love the runners, in their fancy gear, cult like, in groups pounding the pavement in straight faced determination.
I am by no means a "runner" it is an escape, a chance to push my body beyond what I'm comfortable with, stronger lungs, tighter muscles, a powerful heart pumping blood in circles. A chance to reason with that competitive side of myself that insists on perfection - there is no perfect run. Just another chance to improve, get stronger, faster, more powerful and connect to myself. A chance to forget about the menial things permeating my mind and just feel free. So when I run I smile because I'm grateful for that freedom.